Occasionally I do like to use my blog to document my emotions and I do find it very therapeutic. However I have to be careful because of who reads my blog and because I do not want to seem ridiculous and irrational (although with my emotions and my thought process I'm sure this is inevitable).
For the past couple of weeks I have been feeling slightly down but it's ok. I am often quite good at just getting on with things and ignoring how I'm feeling, however work is really beginning to get to me and I'm feeling slightly helpless. Because of my current headless chicken type state I have decided to quit ballet. To many people it will sound absolutely ridiculous that this is such a big deal to me but it really is. Making this decision has been so draining and almost impossible as both sides to me are a lose lose. If I carry on I'll be exhausted all the time, have to rush my work and be even more emotionally and physically run down than I am. But if I quit I'm really going to miss it and in the future I'm going to look back and really regret giving up. Right now I just feel like school work is more important. I really want to do well this year in school. I go to a very very very academic school and I always feel that I am no way near the standard of everyone around me. If I put in hard work on Monday and Wednesday evenings, that I now have back from not doing ballet, I will hopefully feel more on top of my work and not panic whenever I have a moment to actually think about what's going on.
I'm really really sad about stopping ballet, I really am. But I just think right now school should be the priority. I can't tell if I've made the right decision and I'm already filled with regret but I guess that was inevitable.
Sorry if you hated this post, here a picture of a dog in a horse mask -
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